med-itate

the monk in orange exhaled a barrage of loud, nearly indecipherable, indian-accented axioms toward us and the large Buddha. but, what he said is probably true. after practicing meditation for 6 months, one will no longer need a psychologist.

huge ball of knotted yarn = my thoughts. to retard their multi-colored flitter-fraying, winding, tying, binding, i focus on...

breath-
in,
out.
the guide--voice so calming--like a parent consoling a sad child-why am i crying?-have i not given myself one moment to sit with these thoughts?-i thought i was...-
in,
out .
shana, that was only 2 seconds-
in...
my mind hurts-i'm tired-why doesn't he understand?-i wish i could lie down on the floor right now-has anyone ever done that here?-their eyes are closed-that will disrupt their meditation-what is the scent of that incense stick?-pine?-
out .
heart is pounding-head and brain are attacking the skin around my skull-when will the ibuprofen work?-
in,
out.
tears
in,
out.
back is achy-i'm getting more lines in my forehead vertical to my right eye-neat house-
in,
out.
okay, this is taking a very long time and i want to squirm-stop thinking-focus!-
in...
bothered-
in...
stop, mind-see the breath-good posture-interesting looking people-eyelids feel like they are pushing inward-
in...
this is why he needed more time-can i sleep on trisha's couch?-why am i afraid to slow down?-
in,
out.
slow down-mental mouse wheel-Ferris wheel-teaching-family-religion-relationship-body-time-
out...