my mom is sometimes evil. i feel about 10 years old writing this. but something happens to her and the monster--that vacant-eyed, ferocious, cold, ready to scratch your eyes out person--emerges. she said that i am a waste, a waste of a life. not worth it.
hearing her words again after so long of them fading, receding on their own to the past, reminded me of exactly why it was i dealt with things, myself/my body, the way i did. i also know more now that her words are not the truth. i believe more in myself than that. it still hurts, of course, but i went about my day like an adult with her head screwed on comfortably should.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
keep out
I don't read many blogs, in fact, there are only three that give me pause while I'm away from the computer--Sarahmarinara, Celibate in the City, and oh, i can't remember...
I see that some people write knowing that the people in their lives read their words--others shield their blogs. It's so OUT there but I was hoping that I could write whatever about whomever and even use a swear word if neccesary and not worry. So--people in my breathing/outside computer life--i am wishing this tonight to the sleepinig moon all in a ball, please find your way elsewhere.
I see that some people write knowing that the people in their lives read their words--others shield their blogs. It's so OUT there but I was hoping that I could write whatever about whomever and even use a swear word if neccesary and not worry. So--people in my breathing/outside computer life--i am wishing this tonight to the sleepinig moon all in a ball, please find your way elsewhere.
Monday, November 06, 2006
slims pickin
Last night, after further irritating myself about Skate1, I thought I'd take a momentary break from a Sunday evening of pressure (early up tomorrow, still not much homework done, what about car breaks?, white spots, singles' conference (surprise!) and all of that that I had hoped to have sorted, whittled and in place by that time on Sunday night)...and check out LDSPlanet. Not that I'm looking. more just curious about the who's and the where's.
There never is anybody like Skate1. I quickly closed my account less than an hour after signing in and saying that yes, I attend church regularly. Who says they're "good-looking" anyway, and why would that sway me to look at someone as opposed to the person who admits that they are merely "average-looking?" Give me average-looking please, any day. I prefer someone with unique looks. And I do break for bald, jewish-looking men. mmmhm.
No, there never is anything, anyone, like Skate1, whom I met nerely 4 years ago on LDSsingles. He's my broccoli in the vegetables of life.
There never is anybody like Skate1. I quickly closed my account less than an hour after signing in and saying that yes, I attend church regularly. Who says they're "good-looking" anyway, and why would that sway me to look at someone as opposed to the person who admits that they are merely "average-looking?" Give me average-looking please, any day. I prefer someone with unique looks. And I do break for bald, jewish-looking men. mmmhm.
No, there never is anything, anyone, like Skate1, whom I met nerely 4 years ago on LDSsingles. He's my broccoli in the vegetables of life.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
white spots in mouth
brown spots on wall by hooflungpoo.
that is always sure to bring a smile to my face.
but really, i have spots on the inside of my mouth, near the back under my tongue. white. i want to poke them with a pin.
tonight i petted my fish, Lips. i love watching Lips poop. i accidently dumped too much food in the bowl the other day so he gorged himself. an early thanksgiving. then i started wondering if perhaps he was pregnant. a thought that, once entering my head, wouldn't settle down. the same type of thoughts i have had before when somehow, someway, my period is not coming because somehow i must be pregnant. immaculate conception? too much fooling around?
finally the poop is coming out today. of Lips. goldfish usually poop immediately upon eating their yummy flakes, but it took all day for Lips. so, i reached in and petted him, hoping that the shock of my finger against his scales would cause a swift motion, detaching the dangling poop. Lips swam calmly, as if he was used to such treatment.
hmmm.
that is always sure to bring a smile to my face.
but really, i have spots on the inside of my mouth, near the back under my tongue. white. i want to poke them with a pin.
tonight i petted my fish, Lips. i love watching Lips poop. i accidently dumped too much food in the bowl the other day so he gorged himself. an early thanksgiving. then i started wondering if perhaps he was pregnant. a thought that, once entering my head, wouldn't settle down. the same type of thoughts i have had before when somehow, someway, my period is not coming because somehow i must be pregnant. immaculate conception? too much fooling around?
finally the poop is coming out today. of Lips. goldfish usually poop immediately upon eating their yummy flakes, but it took all day for Lips. so, i reached in and petted him, hoping that the shock of my finger against his scales would cause a swift motion, detaching the dangling poop. Lips swam calmly, as if he was used to such treatment.
hmmm.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
turtles
Tonight,
she said,
I'm burrying myself into the sand.
Oh
then when you hatch...that is, when you're in new form...you will make your way to the ocean, toward the light at the horizon. Did you know that sea turtles instinctively know to move toward the light when they emerge from the sand, barely born? I asked. But sometimes they get the light of the city confused with the light of the sky, never making it to the ocean without help from another.
Towards Nature's light.
This is according to The View from Saturday. Tonight's dream according to a giggle-less gigglebox.
she said,
I'm burrying myself into the sand.
Oh
then when you hatch...that is, when you're in new form...you will make your way to the ocean, toward the light at the horizon. Did you know that sea turtles instinctively know to move toward the light when they emerge from the sand, barely born? I asked. But sometimes they get the light of the city confused with the light of the sky, never making it to the ocean without help from another.
Towards Nature's light.
This is according to The View from Saturday. Tonight's dream according to a giggle-less gigglebox.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
to the finish line...wave. smile. water, please
i don't know who started it--post once a day, this month only!
but,
it made me think about when President Hinckley issued us the challenge to read the book of mormon before year's end. i tried but life has a way of picking up wind speed along with debris and other magnificent treasures that settle
into the open desert. chapters here and there, but i did not do it.
one minute left before day's end.
i've done it!
but,
it made me think about when President Hinckley issued us the challenge to read the book of mormon before year's end. i tried but life has a way of picking up wind speed along with debris and other magnificent treasures that settle
into the open desert. chapters here and there, but i did not do it.
one minute left before day's end.
i've done it!
Sunday, October 22, 2006
poop and post once a day
I just read about post a blog a day in november. I can do that. I only wish I could poop a once a day in november. I'll work on that. Body, colon, please work on that will you?
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