eating my veggies

my class picked our first peas this past week. sweet. crunchy. snappy. how cool is it to think, "i'm hungry. i think i'll walk outside and grab a snack." i'm gettin my 5-a-day in. thanks, dad, for helping us cultivate the greenest, happiest, and most delicious garden!

git your buns in here!

it's no secret that someday, i dream of opening a "healthy" donut shop. i'm not ready yet, as i only have one incredible recipe perfected which includes flax, agave nectar, and olive oil. in the meantime, i will eat donuts and frequent many pastry shops.
which brings me to...the Quartzsite Bakery and Pastry Parlor, located on Main St. in Quartzsite, AZ (ask anyone for directions for Quartzsite is THAT small). the shop is owned by Dee and her husband. it's warm, it's got some sassafras, it's local, it's tasty, it's low-key, and it has a presence. while i don't want my future shop to emulate the Quartzsite Bakery in every way, i want it to feel similar, however that feeling comes about. my first experience at the shop was quite a welcoming entry into the little town of Quarzsite which booms in the winter thanks to the annual Rock and Gem show and its accompanying tents, vendors, and "Quartzsite Characters" (of which, i become one while in town). the spot on the map with a mountain marked by a "Q" with two dots inside for eyes is an RVer's paradise; a people watcher's theater; a bargain hunter's jackpot; and a misfit's home. that first time, i filled my pink box with goodies and was invited by Dee to a bbq being had in the yard just after sunset. on subsequent visits over the years, i feel that i am remembered. the homemade stitcheries make me smile EVERY time. isn't this place great?!and so, i know of a place not too far away, where the donuts, pineapple upside-down cake, and macaroons are heavenly sweet. a place where i feel just right.

tell me about your favorite donuts. where do you buy them?

here i am, on the way to Quartzsite, standing in my desert home...

january resolutions:


1. pray kneeling, twice daily

2. eat a combo of 5 fruits and veggies a day


some friends and i are taking the "5-a-day VF Challenge!" which started today. i'm so full and all i'm eating are fruits and veggies. okay, and chocolate. very healthy, i'd say :).

i decided to focus on 2 goals per month, with the intention of allowing 30 days to turn the goal into a habit.

ahhh

Doing much better. It's the first of two
f u l l m o o n s
this month!
Preparing to howl.
Ahouooooooo!

Tasty

Location: Top of the hill in the Phoenix Preserves. (watch out!)

Feeling famished after school, I went there to devour some Spicy Noodles from Thai Hut. I wanted to be somewhere in nature, close to M.'s footsteps. I had the mountain and view to myself.

My parents were mortified to hear me say that I think I make a really good ugly person. I was very much in character, inside and out. However, I felt sad to zombify such a pretty dress.

TAKING ACTION!!!--Can you help in this creativity crisis?

The Artist's Way has sat on my shelf for plenty of years now. I took it out for one month when I was without a driver's license and was forced to take the bus everywhere - I had a lot more reading time then. Anyway, I chanced upon this book, The Sound of Paper, by the same author, Julia Cameron. There are short chapters with accompanying assignments such as making a collage in one hour and then writing or creating a list of this or going on "artist dates" or writing your "morning pages." I also really LOVE the ideas on LEARNING TO LOVE YOU MORE - these were assignments created and given by artists Miranda July and Harrell Fletcher, such as "make a field guide to your yard" or "create a constellation on someone and document it" (this one I did on my nephew's fabulously freckled back). The thing is, I know that there is so much inspiration out there. I see inspiration in every nook but realize that I have let go of the "doing" part. What attracts me to the above book is that framework for constancy and accountability to myself through loosely structured activities.

So, I am looking for suggestions of all sorts - books, blogs, websites, personal lists, or anything - that will fascilitate this need for creative excercise and exploration. I have been sorely lacking and my spirit is screaming!!!

my desert playground

this weekend, I...

-joined a rather tame and hilarious band of zombies

-ran surreptitiously through cultivated farmland behind the striking san xavier del bac mission, south of tucson

-bought a new journal, an old swivel chair for my desk, garland for dia de los muertos, and a brass hunk unicorn

-traipsed through a "junk/salvage/cool old rustica yard" at a house on a street down the street from a street named "pair-o-dice" with my sis

-traveled down south and up north (tucson and then showlow) - saguaros then pines. i LOVE arizona.

-lifted st. francis (sacrilegious? maybe. i was told by some clairvoyant that to lift the wooden body meant one had a good heart. i needed no such confirmation but followed my friend.)

mission: new journal!

Here is my current journal, filled cover to cover.
Found at: Turiya's in Salt Lake City...a store with doves.
white Dove feather in car.
protect. lift.

magic.

Here's how I journal.



Last September, during a really crazy time, I left my car unlocked and all of my bags were stolen at 2 in the morning. I was crushed because my journal - kept for 2 years - was in one of the bags. I have never found it. Believe me, I looked. But, this dreamy journal has been a constant companion, kept differently than my old journal because I knew that it was NOT my life, and that my writing, while an extension and exploration of ME was not what and who I am. My friend and I are now headed down to Tucson (YAY!) where I know exactly where I might hope to find a new one.

love and spirit

real, true love...unselfish, giving, forgiving, trusting, LOVE
to myself and others...
Light.
my spirit is shining, finally.
the Spirit can light my way.

i thought i knew how to do it, but my lack of spirit told me there was a problem draining my life. so, i did what i thought that i couldn't do, even though it was the most loving thing i needed to do. immediately, i felt at peace. things will be right. they are right and my heart is calm.

soft

i felt somewhat better today (and this is despite the jarring jump start i had upon arrival too-early at school, halted by police officers checking my trunk - apparently a convict had escaped a nearby mental institution and tried to hide in our school, with blood painted windows to prove his presence)...better, due to, in no order at all:

• words and prayers of friends that lie like poultices over my soul
• praying for another
• soothing songs with banjo (new and old)
• solitude in the car
• the very natural pang of hunger
• a spontaneous night run with a friend
• crickets in the front and in the back
• speaking up about unfair practices at school
• cookies-and-cream ice cream with real whipped cream
• having a dear one listen to my tale, reminding me that i am human and beautiful
• heliotrope-colored socks, pealed off with such satisfaction

campfire

as i've been dipping into all of my favorite blogs on and off today like a lik-a-maid candy stick, since i have been away awhile, i've worn my camping pants. they're FULL of smokiness and send into this city dwelling the primitive smell of fire. fire to warm. fire to cook. fire to amaze, tantalize, meditate, purify.

stars, total freedom, sleeping by earth, God, and campfire (and its permeating odor)=why i could camp forever.

some fall break photos

old town albuquerque. 30 bucks a night for 2 double beds! no way! and, my favorite electrical hotel sign.

nelly b. one of the "special shapes" balloons.pretty colors. streetside mural. albuquerque, n.m.

red mesa. arizona.

mesa verde. southern colorado.

crazy for this color. trashcan. near gallup, new mexico.

belly full of indian frybread.

down

i haven't written because first, i was UP in the air, elated with all things balloons AND albuquerque (i want to live there!). and then, after dancing on the oldtown square, a new turquoise bracelet (a good story i will share sometime), chance encounters with my 2 balloon buddies, lots of thoughts and some actions pertaining to being "in the now" (thanks, trisha), and being called a "regular" by the El Don Motel (lit-up lasso-er vacancy sign) owner with all the star treatment a regular at the el don could enjoy, i found my way camping with my M. up into the four corners area - it was cool to visit 4 states in 4 seconds! - , mesa verde, and shiprock. we explored in a way that i've never been able to with another.

i also haven't written and probably won't write for a while because i am depressed. sad. less. i wish it wasn't so. i wish i didn't want to pull my insides out and lay them to dry in the sun. i feel i can't write it here. i know the audience is kind, but i feel this is private. it's real. i'm real. i don't know how i go so up and then so down. i don't know if what i do is normal or not. i feel i have given so much away, and i had to! but at the moment, i'm in pain and my under-eyes hurt, and i want to give more but there is nothing left right now.

i don't want the time inbetween.

imogene heap puts it well in her song "Wait it Out":

"Everybody says

that time heals everything.

But what of the wretched hollow?

The endless inbetween?

Are we just going to wait it out?

And sit here cold?

Look, you'll be long gone by then.

And lackluster in the dust we lay

'round old magazines.

Flourescent lighting sets the scene

for all we could and should be being

in the one life that we've got..."

it doesn't completely describe my emotions but

could, should, one life, living...

i live and give and FEEL and now. i'm sort of a mess.

UP, up, and AWAY!

Chasing my dreams.

Ready for lift off in 2 hours and 7 minutes...hoping to never land! A little clarification - I'm driving to New Mexico with Trisha and Ruth, and we will arrive in Albuquerque just before sunrise, blurry-eyed and caffeinated, ready to behold mass ascension.

treasure

countenance

A dear friend asked why I would represent myself with "mugshot #3" (see earlier post). Well, because it does represent me. So does this.
And all the phases inbetween.

I love that what we feel inside changes our countenance, our skin cells, and our aura, no matter how difficult or ecstatic the moment, and no matter how lasting. I'm reminded that there is ALWAYS potential for either extreme.

smelling the creosote

my roommate, Ruth, one of my best roommates ever, provides our home with a cache of movies, mostly comedies--stuff i don't usually see in the theatre. anyway, i watched The Yes Man (YES MAN, YES MAN, YES MAN!) the other day, and besides really enjoying the movie, Zooey Deschanel, and the idea that we should all be saying YES to living and not just existing!, i found the running/photo group (they run and take photos at the same time) corny but, what-the-heck, interesting.

as i ran yesterday at dusk, when through the peephole at papago park, the sun slipped into something more comfortable for sleep, when at the canal, the water reflected a comic strip version of a cloudy sky, when the majestic desert stood tall and still, ready to shake in the blaze of the sunset, when feet pounded, breath was measured, and eyes widened, when a brave, white-tailed rabbit nibbled as an admirer observed its long hind paws, when the smell of the creosote bush told the air that rain IS possible in this teeming but dry desert, when the rising, iridescent moon invited the departing sun for a slow dance...when all of this glowed around me, i was reminded of the running/photo club and wished that i could capture a snap of such solitary beauty. here, i tried to catch the moon mid-opening dust dance...

today, after conference ended and i picked up speed again, i returned to papago park with camera in hand, ready for magic. the light wouldn't be replicated, though the run was completely fulfilling. again, i rubbed creosote inbetween my fingers, forcing open the fuzzy white pompom to leave its faint perfume on my tips for quick sniffing highs during the run. since i had my camera, i took a few shots (saguaros - the younger and the older). i'll keep doing the running/photo club thing, 'tho not from the treadmill.

click on mass happiness

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%253A%252F%252Fwww.balloonfiesta.com%252F&h=df84168da4d78d4ed6be7ef5c1adb9a4&ref=nf

balloons. the colorful, dreamy, larger-than-life ones, way up there in the sky. one week from today.

my spirit is giddy.
oh, i'm really SO EXCITED!!! to embark on my 2nd annual trip to the balloon fiesta in the land of enchantment.

favorite fries

(Pete's)
favorite man

(M.)
one of my favorite places to be

(temple) (outside) (under a tree)

highlights, lowlights, and no lights

i'm not so shiner-y lately.

last night...
two rings around the moon

the night before last...
autumn blew in with gusto
a chill
and an invitation

tonight...
the heavy, cobweb spun sky,
like a white asprin to my head,
let one large drop of
rain
christen
my crown chakra,
the Sahasrara